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Final Curtain is Down
Locked inside a room
The four walls contracting in gloom
Erasing the suffering and sensations
Cutting off the cord of worldly tensions.
The light is paling away into infinity
The days coming to an end;
Flashes of childhood come rushing back
Mother’s lullaby’s, father’s advice
Fights with brothers, then broken ties
A tear slides by in mind’s eye.
Wonderful world creates memories many
In a minute life turns into a tragedy
Pictures remain of things that could have been So much love to spread so much unseen Dreams and aspirations are mirage Colors now a depart – it’s blackness at large.
Heart pumps in the final surge of blood
Limbs inch waiting for their turn
The red flow halts – the muscles twinge
Brain cells slog to power the body
The heart crawls towards slumber
Last breath departs unnoticed
Death captures the body.
Pearly shadow of the soul
Escapes the flesh and bone
Inert human corpse lies on the floor.
The product of God’s innovation
Has touched its expiry date,
It will now head to heaven or hell
Whichever one is written in fate.
Locked inside a room
The four walls contracting in gloom
Luminosity gives way to doom.
The windows are closing
The angels are surging
If wishes were horses,
Life would be galloping
In the battle of life and death
The latter wins the strife.
The angels pray for a passage sound
They tug at the curtain, pulling
The heavy fabric to the beat of weeping drum One smooth stroke, and – … “The Final Curtain Is Down” … Meet you again in God’s own town.
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
It’s a heartfelt poem and it paints the last moments vividly.
Here are 4 things that we liked or would change/revise:
1. Title: The title is appropriate and matches the mood of the poem.
2. Flow: There are places where one tends to stumble over lines that are a little too long. The poem needs to be split up into stanzas. This will help the reader follow the flow of your thoughts better.
3. Language and Grammar: The poem needs editing to correct the grammatical and punctuation usage errors. For e.g.: This line would flow better if it were punctuated, “Pictures remain of things that could have been So much love to spread so much unseen Dreams and aspirations”. There are some places where words appear in title case in the middle of a sentence. This should be avoided unless there is a pattern to this capitalization.
4. Appeal: The imagery of these lines in the 1st stanza is powerful and touches the heart:
The days coming to an end; Flashes of childhood come rushing back
Mother’s lullaby’s, father’s advice
Fights with brothers, then broken ties
A tear slides by in mind’s eye.”